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SLOAN COLUMN: A better companion? Not a chance

on Tuesday, 23 July 2019. Posted in Columns, Opinions

SLOAN COLUMN: A better companion? Not a chance

By: Bob Sloan Editor

People, let me tell about my best friend. His name is Colby.

Some people are blessed to have a spouse to be their companion for life. My companion for life has fur, four legs, bad breath, and loves to chase and catch Frisbees.

I can’t remember a time when my “partner” hasn’t been happy to see me. He never seems to grow tired of my company. He is there whenever I need him. If I need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, he’s been there. Colby has never been so busy that he couldn’t lend an ear. Tried and true, I tell you.

Colby is loyal to a fault. He knows I am far from perfect, but he knows I love him. He needs me as much as I need him. Like two previous wives, Colby will never get tired of me, pack up his bowl and leash and leave me for someone else.

Most couples dream of growing old together. I get to grow old with Colby, my black lab. He’s nearing his ninth birthday. I see grey hairs sprouting on his muzzle and it worries me. I imagine he sees the grey hairs sprouting on my muzzle and it worries him as well. Neither of us are spring chickens anymore.

Colby was actually a birthday present given to my second wife. It did not take long, however, before he and I bonded. In short time, we were inseparable. I can’t imagine life without him and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.

In honor of Colby, my best friend, I share with you a list of reasons why a dog is better than a wife/girlfriend:

• A dog does not shop.

• A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.

• A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.

• A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.

• A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.

• The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.

• Dogs don’t care if you use their shampoo.

• Dogs think you sing great.

• Dogs will never max out your credit card.

• Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

• Dogs don’t worry about germs.

• Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

• Dogs have no problem showing affection in public.

• Their meals are far less expensive.

• Dogs don’t expect you to have great manners.

• You never have to wait for a dog. They’re ready to go 24 hours a day.

• Dogs don’t ask, “What are you thinking?” And ladies, before you go off on a tirade about my being a good-for-nothing male chauvinist pig, here’s a list of reasons why a dog is also better than a husband/boyfriend:

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

• Dogs miss you when you’re gone.

• Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.

• Dogs don’t criticize your friends.

• Dogs admit when they’re jealous.

• Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

• Dogs don’t laugh at how you throw.

• Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.

• You can train a dog.

• Dogs are easy to buy for.

• You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.

• Dogs understand what no means.

• Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

• Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

• Dogs admit it when they’re lost.

• Dogs are color blind.

• Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.

• Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Hope you enjoyed these. Colby and I will see you at the Grateful Dog this weekend. I am sure grateful for him.

Contact editor Bob Sloan at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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